Since it fell in the middle of the week, Jerry took Jason’s birthday off and the 3 of us went for a walk through one of our local wilderness parks. It had rained for 2 days prior, so we couldn’t go on a hike like we had planned. Still the sun was out, and we had a great time.

That evening, we drove up to Matt’s house for Jason’s birthday dinner. While at Matt’s new place we decided to take a few family photos.

I never like how my picture turns out, but I wasn’t about to miss a chance to be with my sons again. All in all the visit was bittersweet. Hoping in my heart that it is not as long next time until we see each other again.

Now who’s acting all shy? That’s my sweet Yuki!

El Torito Grill brought a delicious flan complete with birthday song in honor of the birthday man.

Back at home, I brought out a chessecake with firecracker candles and special “60″ to commerate my sweet husbands birthday. Love you dear!

On September 16, 2010 our son James Richard would have turned 38 years old. He lived until he was 8 years old, his life short, full of pain and sadness, something a parent never wants to endure. James or Jimmy as we called him, was given tremendous love from both Jerry and I and although he never was able to return that affection my love for him was boundless. When Jimmy turned 2 years old the physical and emotional toll of caring for him beat heavy on our hearts and lives, and after much discussion we placed him in a local nursing home for the handicap. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. Feeling I had abandoned my son, I involved myself in his therapy at the nursing home and outside of it. Jerry and I would on occassion bring him home to vist for the weekend or take him to the park weather permitting. Although there had been some talk with the doctor at the nursing home as Jimmy approached his 8th birthday about adding a DNR (do not resuscitate) to his medical file, we never did accomplish that task before Jimmy came down with pneumonia and subsequently died from massive heart failure. Jerry and I were at home watching a comedy show when the phone call came in informing us of his death. The timing was short of undescribeable shock and sadness. Leaving our young son Jason with a babysitter we drove to the hospital in silence and then on to indentify Jimmy’s body. A few days later, and 2 days shy of our 9th anniversary Jerry and I boarded a boat and headed 3 miles out from land to release Jimmy’s tired body out to sea. All morning long rain had fallen and a chill was in the air. Once aboard the boat the rain stopped, the sun came out and a rainbow lit the ocean sky. After sending Jimmy’s ashes out to sea, and with the weather clearing, I headed up to the bow of the boat, finally resting there to take in all that had just happened. It was during this time that I felt Jimmy’s spirit, at peace, happy, and content. Shortly after arriving home I wrote a poem about my experience. You can read that 1st poem at the end of this post.

The week prior to Jimmy’s 38th birthday I once again strongly felt his presence, more than any year since he passed away, with the exception of the day we took him out to sea. He was joined by many of our loved ones, their spirits light and filled with joy, all music to my ears. Our conversation was silent though easily heard and understood. As quickly as I wrote the first poem, the second rhyme arrived with ease, quided as if from Jimmy himself. My love for my first born son grows larger every day. Forever in my heart my Sweet Baby James.

.Sweet Baby James.
I thought I heard him laugh today,
with many of his friends.

His smile was bright in my mind,
as it was before the end.

We’ve spoken often these last few weeks,
silent words filled with joy.

He shared of loving and living,
this from my sweet young boy.

He told of company he keeps now,
related as well as befriended.

So many tales of the love he feels,
and how it is neverending.

Beside his beautiful spirit,
his Uncle beams with pride.

Above him strong and protective,
is Grandpa with his beautiful blue eyes.

Butterflys soft and delicate,
in harmony flew in and around.

The sunlight soft, almost heavenly,
held our hearts earthly bound.

We spoke more than the day he left,
his seashells playing just for me.

Oh how the years have come and gone,
so fast we both agreed.

With tears, large love between us,
we promise to speak again soon.

The time or place to be unknown,
our hearts surely aswoon.

So now there are no goodbyes,
for we simply are as one.

Always a loving mother,
missing her beautiful son.
9/16/2010

Jimmy’s 1st poem

To J.R.F.
You sounded like melodied seashells,
the day you met the sea,
the sound, so soft and musical,
meant many things to me.

I heard you say,
above the boat,
I’m free, I’m free, I’m free!

I heard you say,
Don’t worry mom,
This part is from me.

I felt the sadness,
when we parted,
3 miles from the land.

I felt you slip,
I felt your love,
depart,
from my hand.

I felt your joy,
I felt your tears,
I knew you were free.

And deep inside,
yet sad was I,
I felt you were happy.

September 12th, 2007

L to R -Lauren (Greg and Doreen’s youngest daughter), Doreen (Greg’s kind and funny wife!), Sylvia (John’s super sweet wife), Aunt Lou (smart and big of heart), me (looking chunky and older than I’d like), and Amy (John and Sylvia’s daughter).

Following an awesome feast and visit with my family in San Diego, Jerry, Matt, and I headed back to Mission Viejo, where Matt collected Ms Yuki who been waiting patiently for our return, and headed back to his place. Once Matt and Ms Yuki were on their way home Jerry and I headed over to our long time friends Steve and Jill. A delicious dinner was enjoyed at their house, followed by a small celebration for their youngest son Alex’s 22nd birthday!

It’s hard to believe Alex is 22 years old. Jill, Steve, Jerry and I have been celebrating our children’s birthday’s together since Alex and Patrick were wee little folk! Up next for a birthday celebration? Matt in June, who will turn 28! Yikes!

This year we dined at Lucille’s, and our son Matt joined us. The food was plentiful and delicious. You may wonder why I didn’t use photoshop on this particular photo to correct Terry’s eyes. In actuality I did. He just occassionaly gets a wee bit of the pirate in him that even a fancy program can’t fix!

We came home to extend the birthday celebration a bit longer with a cake and presents. Cake toppers are kind of Terry and my department. This year for Karen we found a small Belle figure, and for Jerry I brought out of his own personal archives Ken, the street fighter character from a Nintendo game. After cake and ice cream, we opened gifts, which ended up including a couple of awesome blu-ray discs for Jerry. Steve and Jill gave Jerry one on the coral reefs so we all settled in and were awed not only by the quality of blu-ray HD but also by the new TV that we have! The movie was good too!

Earlier in the day Matt came down with his new bike and Yuki. We have some wonderful trails out here that make for great bike riding and Matt was able to get in a good 1/2 hour bike ride before we headed out to eat.

While this photograph turned out a bit blurry I still had to post it to show Ms Yuki sitting by grandpa. She came and did this on her own, she’s slowly warming up to him and it’s wonderful to see. We always love having Matt and Yuki down for a visit.

We go there often enough that everyone knows us, Holden, the manager always comes around and likes to chat, and Patricia is such a sweetheart. They are very good to us and their hamburgers and buns are the best in town.

After we ate we went into the back room where once a month they set up a stage for open mike night, which they do once a month. It ‘s fun to watch the “young” talent, there was a pretty good turnout last night. Either Patricia or Holden told the announcer there was a birthday boy in the house and everyone sang Jerry a happy birthday, then Patricia brought him out a brownie. Talk about pampered and spoiled. Yes, it’s not a stretch to say that Patricia has a soft spot for my hubby! And I can see why, he’s very special. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

Karen’s husband Terry also joined in the festivities, shown in a more subdued un Disney-like moment! (jk).

Patrick, being his usual fun self, decided to keep the party lively by shooting off straw papers. Pat sent some flying herself, but thankfully that wasn’t documented by the family photographer, Pat and Jerry’s son Matt.

Jill’s other half/husband Steve and their youngest son Alex were also at the table, as was Pat’s husband Jerry, although he managed to stay outside the cameras range.

The most excellent waitress who served our table caught wind of the birthday festivities and brought a chocolate cake to Pat and Patrick. Matt being the ever great son and photographer snapped off a nice pic of his mom. Thanks son!

Back at the house another cake was lit to the point of fire while Matt took more mandatory photos for the albums!

Again Patrick being the comedian, kept us laughing while Matt kept snapping. sweet

And yes Yuki was front and center whether she liked it or not, while everyone gathered round while presents were opened.

I’d like to send out a big thank you to my most awesome family, my husband who’s always there for me, through ups and downs no questions asked always supporting me, and my son Matt, who is a 1 in a million son. My friends are awesome too, thank you everyone for a wonderful bd that stretched beyond 1 day, and meant a lot to me. Patrick, I loved sharing it with you. We might have started a tradition. Next year we could celebrate ours on your day! (thus putting off getting another year older for a few more weeks!)